LOTR:Fellowship of the ding dong
by Flufferpuf
Summary: It's Lord of the Rings except no ring just one very evil and moldy ding dong! What will happen? OOh very insane!
1. Ding Dongs Exsist!

Lord of The Rings: Fellowship of the Ding Dong

Disclaimer: I am in no way related to J. R. R. Tolkien really seriously I checked and no I can't even speak elvish... ooh poopsicles...

Chapter 1 Ding Dongs exist!

Frodo danced in the flowers because they smelled really good and were pretty. Meanwhile in the background a small red head in a black full length dress ran happily following the pretty butterflies fly prettilyly in the pretty sky.

"Follow the Butterflies follow the butterflies wee lallalala!" The red haired freckled boy sang happily as he was promptly run over by a white car called the mach 5.

"Sorry bout that I gotta win this race see? I gotta win this race with my fast talking monkey in the backseat and some girl who talks really fast ok so can we just forget about this??" Speed Racer said dropping a $20 on Ron's chest and driving away at top speed.

"EH-HEM! This is lord of the rings and I am Frodo and I am the main character of this story--" Frodo stood about 3 feet tall with messy black hair and fur. Suddenly a little donkey driven cart rolled by and in it Gandalf. It actually wasn't a donkey but actually a small animal used as a substitute instead of a donkey we're low on funds.

"Oh yippie ki yaa! It's Gandalf! I don't remember why but I love him very much!!" Frodo said jumping up and down. "Gadalf it's me it's me Frodo Bagggins!!!"

"Oh no..." Gandalf said trying desperately to lower his hat but to no avail, "Hello there Frodo how is your uncle Bilbo?" He said trying to smile

"He is wonderful--" Frodo began but was cut off by the screaming of little tiny hobbit children.

"AAAH GANDALF!!! IT'S YOU!" The two foot tall kids screamed they were nearly run over by the cart but were missed my mere centimeters. They all sighed in relief but were sadly hit by Speed Racer. Boo-hoo.

"Let us go to your Uncle's birthday Frodo so that you can stop talking and I can talk to your uncle." Gandalf said rubbing his temples.

"Sorry you missed it he had this funky ring thing and I burned it and funky words appeared and well we destroyed it and blah blah blah.... It's so anyway there's this consul thing and we should go to it." Frodo said waving his hand in a circle.

Gadalf shook his head, "I see... oh no it can't be."

Later at the consul thingy...

"Ooh pass the cookies over here!!" An elf with black hair said ooh he felt special. "Now we should do this more often because this is just so much fun!!! We can paint Legolos' fingernails pink and then stick Gimli's hand in a cup of water and see if he pees!!!"

"Nowyerrelfdonotwannadothaterrrr..." Gimli said.

"What?" Gandalf said wiping cookie crumbs out of his beard.

"ShetupGandalfyouoldfartyerrgunnadiesoonuhhhhh..." Gimli said slurring his words.

"Beg your pardon?" Gadalf said using his beard to clean the toilet bowl that happened to be to his left.

"Neverrmindtelluswhywerreeherree." Gimli said looking at the elf with black hair. He began pouting.

"But my nails aren't dry yet!" he said blowing on them. "Alright we are here to talk about the evil the very anticipated evil thingy which is--" dramatic pause "the chocolate ding dong!"

BOOOM BAAH DAAANNANAUUNUUU!!

"What was that?" Boromir asked.

"I don't know must be lightening." Aragorn said hiding his picture of Arwen covered with a picture of Legolos.

"This is totally and utterly ridiculous. I am disgusted to call myself the same species as you. Lightening doesn't make noise nunga nunga brain it's thunde--" Simon Cowell was promptly hit in the heart with arrow.

"Score 1 Legolos score scary human non immortal dude nada!!" Legolos said fixing his sunkissed golden locks. All the elves and everyone else shielded there eyes.

"Gandalf why I am here again?" Frodo asked looking at Gandalf the Grey who had poop stains on his beard.

"You're here because I hate you and want to get rid of you by making you get rid of the chocolate ding dong. I mean I don't have the foggiest idea what you are talking about." Gandalf said grabbing a chocolate chip cookie.

"Ok this meeting has come to order! I think we should send the little hobbits so when they fail we can torch their towns!" Some old guy said.

"Good idea I will accompany them!" Gadalf said sticking a camcorder in his back pocket. 'I don't want to miss this hehehehehe mwahahhha!'

"Gadalf you were the first to use your thought bubble ooh!" Frodo said.

Suddenly

"Yoo hoo MerrynPippin here not drunk no not drunk at all."

"Not atall we not drunk." Merry and Pippin promptly fell over and were dragged off stage.

"Mr. Frodo?" Samwise began. Lord of the rings music plays softly in the background. "Mr. Frodo I should come with you on this journey because I know that even though we will fight Mr. Frodo and you will not talk to me sometimes and blame the missing food on me and I might drown Mr. Frodo. Mr. Frodo I will still be your friend in the end Mr. Frodo." Samwise finished and the music that was really loud stopped too.

"Yea sure whatever come along." Frodo said picking lint from his belly button. "So where does this ding dong thing have to go?"

"To the Hostess Factory on top of Mount Food. It's the second one from the left of Mount Doom." Some other old guy said a long green booger came out of his nose. Gandalf used his beard as a tissue and wiped it away.

"Oh that's not so bad." Frodo said "So let's drag Merry and Pippin into this I could use a good laugh every once and a while and we might as well bring the elf."

"I will come with Legolos!" Aragorn said.

"Pick me! Ooh OOH PICK ME!!" Boromir said.

"Yes Boromir you can come along not like it matters you'll be dead soon anyway..." Gandalf said.

Doo doo dooooo dooo dooo naanaaa naaaah aaaa [Lord of the Rings music]

"Oh I hope they make it." The black haired special elf said. "My nails are ruined."

OK chapter 1 complete wee woo! Please review so I can continue!

Laterz!


	2. Do you See a Clue?

Disclaimer 2: Me own? Hahahahaha! You make me laugh...

Thank you to everyone who reviewed this is for you!!! And also for Steve from Blues Clues who went to 'college' and Anurug Bashcar because he didn't show up for camp yeah him too he's important we always blamed everything on you.

Thanks! Flufferpuf

Chapter 2 Do you see a clue?

"Walking is boring, can we stop?" Frodo asked rubbing his calluses.

"Can we get booze?" Merry asked merrily.

"What about second breakfasts?" Pippin asked rubbing his stomach.

"You know what if you wore shoes, didn't get drunk and ate more breakfast we wouldn't have any problems!" Aragorn said angrily.

"Dude you gotta chill out." Legolos said. He shook his hands like as if there was a surf board in it.

"OK if you say so Legolos" Aragorn said with hearts in his eyes.

"I see something." Legolos said squinting his eyes. "Oh no it's a it's a..." Super dramatic pause. "It's a gasp nudist beach!!"

DUNUNNUUUUUUUH!

"What was that?"

"It's lightening." Aragorn said crossing his arms and bobbing his head up and down.

"No it's not remember? It's thunder Aragorn say it with me now THUNDER!--!" Borimor said he was promptly shot in the heart with an arrow.

"Now what's the score??" Legolos said holding his hand to his ear.

"Legolos 2 weird non immortal guys nuthin!!" Twenty fan girls said.

"Right dudetts."

The fan girls fell promptly of course and were dragged off stage.

"So when are we going to get our booze?" Merry said. He hated being sober everything made sense and nothing was blurry. No fun no fun atall.

"Would you shut up?" Aragorn said.

"No you shet up." Pippin said making a retarded face like Aragorn's.

"Whyyoushutupandwelookatthatstrangethingy." Gimli said.

"What did he say Mr. Frodo? Mr. Frodo I did not understand his slurred speech Mr. Frodo because I am only your servent Mr. Frodo." Samwise said.

"I think he said to look at that strange blue paw print." Frodo said pointing at the strange blue paw print. Standing in front of it were two men named Steve and Joe.

"I don't see a paw print." Steve said hundreds of kids laughed.

"It's behind you!" They yelled.

"Well kids we don't really wanna talk to Steve cuz you know he went to college, and well I'm more entertaining..." Joe said winking slyly in his stripy shirt.

"Waah we love you Steve!" The children cried they were promptly sat on by a big dragon with fire in its mouth and a really awful five o'clock shadow.

"Fee fi foo fum! I smell the one ding dong! Give it to me and I will cook you rotisserie style!" He said.

"Dude it's called breathmints." Legolos said fanning the air in front of his face.

"I will beat him!" Gandalf said. He had read ahead and found out that if he did this he would get shiny ooh so smart. So Gandalf went and began waving his shiny stick around.

"You" dramatic pause "shall not" second very dramatic pause "pass!" Third wait no, no dramatic pause there just an angry dragon who carries a whip falling off a cliff.

"Gandalf look out!" Frodo yelled as Gandalf was dragged off the cliff. He clung on to the edge. Lord of the Rings music gets really really loud.

"Plunderyoufools." He says and lets go falling towards the dragon where he'll return eventually. OOH foreshadowing....dununnuuu!!!!!!

"Really that is starting to get on my nerves what was that???" Pippin said. He really really hated being sober.

"What did Gandalf say?" Merry said before Aragorn could suggest lightening and another person would get shot thru the heart.

"I don't know I think he said 'I love you Frodo'" Frodo suggested.

"Nah nah he said 'pluushkafooka' little dudes It's like totally elvish. Dude it says here it means follow the clues." Legolos said taking out his English to Elvish dictionary.

"YouareallwronghesaidplunderyoufoolshethinksthatFrodowilldieandwewillfailandtheywilltorchHobbiton." Gimli suggested.

"Umm what?"

Steam poured out Gimli's ears.

Miles away some elves were preparing their torches.

"OH MY GOD! They like lost Gandalf in an anticlimactic scene geeze what a way to go." One elder of Middle Earth said.

"Well we better polish up our blowtorches." The special elf king with black hair said waxing his blowtorch.

"No Daddy I can't let you do this well actually go ahead burn Hobbiton I don't care but please let me marry Aragorn!" Arwen said crying.

"Sure go marry him just don't touch the nails I just had them redone." The Elvin king said looking down at his nails. He had just gotten them redone at Elvs R Us. They had little crowns and hearts on them. He was wearing a shirt that said "arrows don't kill hobbits blowtorches kill hobbits"

"Oh thank you daddy!" Arwen said bursting into tears. She promptly ruined his nails.

"Dammit I'm going to have this redone Arwen you will not marry Ara--whatever his name is. Go to your room and don't even think about making yourself human to get any pity from me!!"

Arwen sulked off crying her eyes out.

"Dammit! Pass the chocolate chip ice cream I need comfort food." The elvin king said as he was handed a humungo tub of choco chunk mint ice cream. He took a spoon and began stuffing his face.


End file.
